All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
