Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize