She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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