Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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