there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you will always have a special place in my vag
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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