..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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