I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
