ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Your penis caused this!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
