.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
