Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
