Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
