i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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