3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
