I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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