I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
