i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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