I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
