he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
