dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
