He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
