from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
where am i from again
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
