You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
barbara walters just said penis...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
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