I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
