Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize