I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
