The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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