I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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