Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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