Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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