you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
