And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
my liver is dry heaving
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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