I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
