4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize