We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
