remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
