i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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