It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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