I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
