im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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