you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So gin and wine won't be happening again
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
