he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
