He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
