hell yes lets make some ravioli
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
