okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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