look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
