she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
