I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Randomize
