We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
