is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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