turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
