Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
