Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize