It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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