question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
