I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
