it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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