no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
