are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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