i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
