Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize