i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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