I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
