I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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