I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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