What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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