I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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