when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
