soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
