plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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