If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
