p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
