also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
