Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
wow bdsm is so cute
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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