Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
