So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
