my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
