i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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