I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
