Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
