I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
