Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
