do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
a search helicopter?!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
