i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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