shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize