I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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