Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just invented taco cereal.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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