she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
