Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
