I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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