i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
