but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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