Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
