I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
