i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize