Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
