hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
