My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
