I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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