I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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