I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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