just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
