You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
