I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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