His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just had sex bonerless
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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