So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
