I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
