it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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