Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
