I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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