he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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