just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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