Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
