Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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