Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
