I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
