I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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