I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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