Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
